What follows are some images that I’ve loosely gathered into the topic of health & beauty aids. A few are ghastly, so proceed with caution.
Okay, first? Remember my road rage calf strain? It didn’t occur to me to take a good look at it, and then, several days later, I did. Whoa, it was bruise-tastic! Who knew I could trigger internal bleeding entirely through self-righteous rage? That, along with a bruise on my belly (not pictured–you’re welcome) sent me running off to do some potassium loading.
On the brighter side of health and beauty aids, I got my nails done with M on the day of her prom, two weeks ago. I never, ever get my nails done, mostly because I am cheap. But M had gotten herself a dip powder manicure prior to going to Spain and I was stunned when she came back 17 days later and they still looked pretty magnificent. I was jealous, so I decided that since prom weekend was also Mother’s Day weekend, we’d both get manicures. It’s still looking pretty good!
When I was little I used to look at my mom’s hands and she had long, slender fingers and her nails were done just-so, and I looked forward to growing up and acquiring “grown-up” hands with long fingers and lovely nails. And then I grew up and gradually realized that some people have long, graceful fingers and other people have stubby fingers, and becoming an adult cannot change your fundamental genetic make-up. I am also someone who’s excellent at screwing up my nails or chipping them immediately after they’ve been painted. So it is only now, at almost 50, that I have finally approached achieving my childhood fantasy hands.
Oh, my gosh. I was just typing that paragraph in, and I really didn’t intend it–I swear!–but as it happens, that last sentence is a terrific segue into my final on-topic image, which I fear is even more appalling than my bruised calf.
Speaking of fantasies, I was in CVS the other day, wandering aimlessly, when I came across some, ahem, merchandise.
Before I go on, I shouldn’t be so surprised, I guess. Remember the time I let 8-year-old J go CVS shopping on her own and she came home with a pair of lovers’ dice? So, yes, I’ve noticed some boundary issues for this place, which is hands-down the closest location for me to run and pick up poster board for a last-minute school project. But it never occurred to me that they would have such a wide selection of vibrators and sex toys!!!
Oh, my gosh, there is just SO MUCH about this picture that makes me laugh. I love that Trojan offers a huge range of products and that the packaging right down to the font is different depending on whether they’re going for potential male or female customers. I find it hilarious that some of these products are so . . . extraordinarily upfront, right there on the shelf, while others leave an aura of mystery (whatever will you find in that Durex Play box, I wonder?). I find it compelling that while the shelf appears to be quite well-stocked, there’s been a run on a single particular product. I mean, what the heck was that one? Is it way better than the others? Finally, I find it absolutely poetic that these are adjacent to the orthopedic pet beds. It’s as if the CVS manager is saying “Shove Rover off your bed and start enjoying some You Time.”
So yes, I had to take a picture and tell you all about it. You know, [insert crotchety old lady voice] when I was a girl, they used to have little ads in the back of magazines with vague promises about tension-relieving massage devices. They’re certainly more upfront these days. Although I have to wonder how many people actually make their purchases at their neighborhood drug store when they could order anonymously online as (presumably) the Good Lord intended? At least these are on a high shelf, so it’s unlikely that an 8-year-old will accidentally buy them.