I’ve been wanting to tell you all something, but I’ve been too scared. Which is silly, I know, but bear with me: I fear that you will help me, and at this point, guidance is frightening. Yes, I know that we all need guidance sometimes. And while I have my strengths–I’m diligent about finishing leftovers, I read quickly, and I’m pretty good at push-ups– I have plenty of “challenges” as well: a heinous sense of direction, a propensity for lateness, and no familiarity or affinity whatsoever for things that give many women pleasure.
Here’s an example. I can’t handle more than about 90 minutes in the mall. I start to twitch. I’m overstimulated. So, today I went to the mall (I had other errands there), gift card in hand, and finally got around to taking Hollow Squirrel’s advice and asking for guidance in the form of a bra fitting. When I read her suggestion five months ago it seemed like a good idea, and it’s been on the to-do list ever since. Today was the day. The sales lady clucked and harrumphed over my poor sizing. She told me to switch from a perfectly average-seeming size to a size which seems huge to me, although, in truth, the difference was only one cup. After some testing, I was appalled but convinced that she had a point. I left with two of the new bras, although frankly, I spent the rest of the day feeling a little bit as if “the girls” were going to knock into my chin at any moment. Completely unreasonable. Not even close. But I’m adjusting.
The experience threw me for such a loop that I wandered into Sephora and started thinking, “Should I ask someone to tell me what make-up to wear?” Because I don’t really wear make-up. I mean, I did. My peak make-up wearing year was probably 7th or 8th grade. It declined in high school, plummeted in college, and then Cute W doesn’t really like it. Nowadays, if I do try to sneak on, say, some mascara, Cute W or M or J notice and comment or ask what I’m wearing and why I’m wearing it and it becomes a big, interesting topic of conversation that makes me wish I’d skipped it entirely.
So there I was in Sephora, looking at so many, many shiny and lovely items, and just about all of the products said that 85% of all women felt super-fabulous moments after trying them, and 78% kept feeling groovier for a whole week. And I thought, “I’m not getting any younger. I’ve been walking around with my breasts squashed for decades. Maybe I need to rethink everything. How can I possibly figure out what’s worth the money? Maybe I desperately need guidance.” It was a vulnerable few minutes there, and an intuitive saleslady might have been able to make some serious commission. However, there were plenty of women who clearly purchase and wear make-up on a regular basis, so I wasn’t noticed. Overwhelmed by the sights and smells, I scuttled away.
So, what the hell was my point? Ummm, I’m not remotely ready for J’s party this weekend, and the girls are home from school tomorrow. I’m still overwhelmed by my oh-so-plentiful CSA harvest.
And in a few weeks, we’re going to Disney World. Which is wonderful. Terrific. Especially since I was deprived as a child and have never, ever, been to Disney World. At this point, it feels a little bit like when I was standing in Sephora today. A normal person would say, “Wow, that’s a cute lip gloss. I’ll buy it.” And they’ll skip happily out of the store. Â I stand there looking at products, thinking that I have to research all of these products, and I need to solicit professional advice, and I need to bring my three favorite shirts to coordinate colors, and then I skulk away, defeated, because I have no idea where to start.
And that’s where I am with Disney World right now. Not to mention, that even if I did research everything like I feel that I should, I’m not in charge of the trip–there are 10 of us altogether. We’re going with Cute W’s kind and generous family. So I’m really just along for the ride. Which means that I don’t need to research. Except maybe I should. And then I start to look around and I get intimidated. But I’ve got to get through J’s party before I can think about it.
Anyway, so, woo-hoo! We’re going to Disney World! But also, I’m having one of those feel my thirst moments. So, can you please not tell me all the things that we must do? Because it will only stress me out. But you can tell me that I’ll have fun. Or that you’d love to write a guest post. Or that you want to come to my house and take some green peppers off my hands. Anything else and I might have to breathe into a paper bag.
You are going to have an AWESOME time at Disney. The girls will love it and you will love watching them – even if all you do is walk the park. It will be amazing because you will be together.
I’d write a guest post except that the ones for my blog have been inappropriate lately… For example, how much I hate spiders (including swearing) and the one I’m currently writing about how much my period wants cheese. (Hope that at least made you laugh.)
Here’s what you have to see: whatever you want and time allows. I know people who plan their whole route. I envision them racing around like mad people trying to get to this ride or that show. Don’t. Baker really wanted to go to the Hall of Presidents. We didn’t make it there. We don’t look back and think “oh, we missed the Hall of Presidents.” We look back and say, “Didn’t we have an awesome time.” There is a lot to see and do. Disney will be there. You can always go back. The point of Disney is that everyone is friendly and nice. Moms, dad, and kids can go on almost every ride together. It truly is magical (I suspect Valium in the drinking water). Relax and enjoy. And, with some guidelines, I could probably guest post.
I have no Disney advice…we hated it. We aspire to try again so we’ll watch you and your experiences very closely.
Loving your account of your mall adventures! Is it inappropriate to say that I’ll be noticing the “changes” when I see you next?
Thank you, Erin! Feeling better already. Although, I’m such a goofball–I don’t think that I even knew that you have a blog. Or maybe I knew once and forgot? Link, please! Please?
Ugh, Cheri! You probably won’t notice anything. Cute W didn’t, and of course he’s much more focused and attentive in that department than anyone. It’s just me being ridiculously self-conscious.
I hope you’re still loving the new bras! BOOBIES! OOOOH I can’t wait to hear how the girls love Disney (and you, too!)! What fun — I, too, think you’ll have the best time watching the girls’ reactions.
As for Sephora… it IS incredibly overwhelming. I can understand why you left. I received an amazing make-up job at the Vegas Sephora years ago, but my best friend’s make-up person wasn’t as good, so when my friend was done, another artist asked if she was interested in getting made-up…uh, already did! What I like about Sephora, though, is that they usually recommend things from various lines instead of getting all your make up from one company. Some companies do mascara really well, and others have better foundations — so it’s better, I think, to mix product lines. And that is the only advice I can give.
J’s party will be fabulous because it’s a party! Yay!!! Happy 7th, J!
Just one Disney comment: We didn’t plan anything and found that if you went for meals a little before the traditional times (we had lunch at 11, dinner at 4:30 ) we had no trouble getting into all of the places others had made reservations a year in advance. We don’t do snaking lines, in heat, with children. It will be fantastic. Magical, like they say!
My blog is new & really, I’m not putting too much effort into it. Although, with 4 kids at my house all day, I’m not putting much effort into anything other than keeping people alive. But, here’s the link: http://makeyourselfuseful-erinsimmons.blogspot.com/. (Please don’t judge.) 🙂
And I don’t wear make-up either, so if you ever want a Sephora date, I’ll happily meet you there, make-up free. I’ll probably forget to brush my hair, if that makes you feel better.
You will have SO much fun at Disney. There will be tons of people there no matter when you go, and I think they design it so you can’t possibly see everything. If you can just surrender to the experience and enjoy it for what it is, you will have a blast. It’s the magic kingdom! There are castles! princesses! people in costume everywhere! rides! fireworks every night!!!! You don’t have to do diddly squat of research. Just show up and enjoy. You will want to go back any way. 🙂 And yeah, I’ve never so much as stepped foot into Sephora so you are way ahead of me there. 🙂 I’d be happy to do a guest post too. Maybe on keeping toddlers entertained during not-so-great weather?
Sandra @ Albany Kid
It’s Disney, not Antarctica. If you love it, it’s not that hard to go back. And if you hate it, well, the week will end soon enough.
P.S. I would be happy to write a guest post, but I can’t promise any of those domestic goddess things that you do – like cooking.
I can’t offer any Disney advice as I was also a deprived child (and adult) and have never been. Though I must agree with other commenters that just enjoying the experience has always been my plan when visiting any place that tends toward overwhelming. Otherwise, I just need to let you know how much I always enjoy your posts. You are my mall-hating, non makeup-wearing, squished boobies, neurotic hero! Keep writing!
Oh my gosh, everyone, you have cheered me up so much! Thank you! I’ll be fine. Totally fine.
Hollow Squirrel, you said, “BOOBIES! OOOOH I canâ€™t wait to . . .” and I thought that you were going to say “see them!” and maybe pull a Molly Ringwald’s Grandma in 16 Candles thing, so if I flinch away next time I see you, it wasn’t on purpose.
JM, that’s reassuring. Since my kids wake up early and there’s no breakfast on the meal plan, I bet we’ll be skewing early, anyway!
Erin, it’s in my Google Reader! I’m not judging, trust me. And I don’t know if I’m up for Sephora or not, but if I do, back-up seems like an excellent idea.
Rose, I love the enthusiasm–encouraging. And yes, please, I’d love a guest post on entertaining toddlers! Want to email me in the next week or so?
Christine, thank you for what’s got to me one of my favorite comments ever! Really.
Yay, Jenn! Thanks for the guest post offer. Uhhh, guidelines? No f-bombs? I don’t know. I will try to relax and enjoy.
This post seems to have inspired a record number of comments in record time. Is it the boobs or Disney? Hard to say. Here’s where I am:
– boobs: something like 75% of women wear the wrong cup size. You are not alone. The girls should be happy. It is important for comfort even more than how they look under your tee shirt. Size doesn’t matter. (FYI” The growth market (( no pun intended)) is in cup sizes from J onward — and that is a fact!) Making your girls happy is good.
Makeup: few women are blessed with your flawless complexion, fabulous gimlet brown eyes and appreciative husband. Buy only stuff that smells good to you or satisfies some craving and leave the rest to those who aren’t so lucky and naturally endowed.
– Disney World: went once. Don’t make me go again. But many millions of people disagree so decide for yourself. Epcot was pretty neat. So was the night time parade with fireworks.
-guest post: Just tell me how many words.
-peppers and other CSA leftovers: Hold on to ’em till Saturday and I’ll some off your hands! XOXOX!
If it makes you feel any better, I DO wear make-up (minimal, but still) and just walking by Sephora makes me feel vaguely ill. It’s like a foreign country in there and I SO do not speak the language!
As far as Disney is concerned – I, too, am a researcher/planner. I researched everything we could do for weeks leading up to our trip in ’07….and all my plans fell through when hubby didn’t agree with my agenda. Moral of the story: don’t sweat the research, just go and have fun!
Bekki: don’t sweat and have fun sounds good. It’s interesting to hear other reactions to Sephora–I always thought most women felt all “kid in a candy store.” Thanks!
Big Sister: Lucky us, we both enjoy “flawless complexion[s], fabulous gimlet brown eyes and appreciative husband[s]”! And finally! someone to eat some peppers!