Perhaps you remember that I’m the proud owner of a resplendent new master bathroom? When we got past the rough stuff, like writing checks and demolishing the carpenter ant-infested wall, I was particularly excited about coming up with some cute plant for the top of our medicine cabinet. It was sort of out of the way, but with all of the windows, there is plenty of light. Plus, since it’s opposite our mirror, it seems vaguely like good feng shui. So I gathered up a bunch of adorable succulent plants. . . so cute, right?
And it DID look cute. You can click back and see. Until one of the varieties of succulents started dying, and I had to remove them. And it looked a little sparse, but okay. And then the rest of them died. But not all at once: sllllloooooowwwwwly. And then they were gone. It was pretty tragic.
So I bought another plant. Something that seemed hardy and full. A single plant in a bigger pot, because maybe the small bowls with rocks on the bottom was a bad choice . . . ? Something that didn’t need as much light and liked moisture.
And that was cute. And then it didn’t look so good. And I examined my houseplant book and the internet, and. . . all of my tweaking was ineffective.
Finally, I decided that the space above the medicine cabinet simply is Not Conducive to Life. I removed the plant to a new-and-improved location, then I decided that I should trim the dead-looking parts. So I trimmed. . . . And trimmed. . . . And trimmed. . . .
And now it looks like this:
Time for Plan C. I went out and bought a branch of fake ivy to cut up and “plant.” Yes. I know. I watched that Oprah episode from long ago, when some woman asked Nate about fake plants, and he was all no, nay, never. I even found a current link in which he reconfirmed it: tacky. Not allowed.
Well, screw you, Nate:
I’ve got a life to live. And I don’t want to be responsible for any more deaths.