As I was washing dinner dishes, M (who, after wavering, is not a believer at all anymore) said to me, “I hope the–ahem!–leprechauns come to our house tonight and make some sort of mischief like turning our toilet water green.”
I sighed over the pan I was scrubbing. “I just don’t see that happening, M. Seriously, have we ever had leprechauns visit our house?”
“But Mooooooom,” she wheedled with a smirk. “You have to encourage J to belieeeeeeve. She’s not going to be young much longer.”
Well, okay. Point taken. But I can only take responsibility for so many magical creatures. Why, just last night, I had to hunt for a golden dollar and come up with a clever way to answer J’s request for information about what exactly happens to all of those teeth. (T.F. answered, “We’re not allowed to tell what we do with our tooth harvest, but it does involve magic.” T.F. also writes very, very small, with curlicues, when she’s not chastising someone angrily.)
So am I going to hide a pot of chocolate golden dollars or leave a trail of green glitter on the floor? Ummm, no. Stop the madness, people! Seriously, do you ever look at Family Fun and think, God I long for the days when mothers just shooed kids out of the house to go play instead of doing endless freaking enrichment activities? When I was a kid, St. Patrick’s Day was like a punishment. People tried to pinch you and then your mom would make corned beef and cabbage for dinner.
Okay, I don’t mean to have such a bad attitude. I love some crafty, cooking fun. It’s just that, then I tucked J into bed, and she asked, “So is this the night that leprechauns come out and roam the earth?” And all I could think was, really? When did this become another holiday that involves scheming after bedtime? Because after bedtime, I am done. I need to clock out and vegetate, thank you. And I know, I know. How hard would it be to dye the toilet? But why would leprechauns suddenly dye our toilet? There would have to be some sort of context. And then I’d be setting a new precedent, and next thing you know I’d have to come up with something clever and green every year. No. I won’t do it.
Apparently J’s class made leprechaun traps at school, and J’s particularly thrilled because her group decided to go with her “rainbow slide to nowhere, sucka!” design. She’s convinced that a leprechaun, gold, and glory will be waiting for her in the kindergarten classroom tomorrow morning.
Well, I don’t know about that, but we did, at least, determine that each girl has somethin’ clean and green to wear. As is her custom for special occasions, J laid out her clothes.
She might not acquire any gold, but at least she’ll be stylish.
Meanwhile, in the time I took to write this post, I could have dyed some toilets and crafted up some St. Patrick’s Day themed crap.